So.... five years later and it’s still pretty shit.

I’m surviving but not really “thriving”.

Still love my child, hate autism.  Been diagnosed as high functioning myself, so now I have all the guilt that goes with probably passing on defective genetics.

Still single, because it costs a bomb to pay for a special needs sitter, and nobody wants to become a stepdad to autism.

I work in a white collar professional career, but can’t really specialise in the area I want to because not only single mother but, autism.

Tried mainstream school - didn’t work out for him so now he’s in a special school.

It’s better though.... there’s some speech, and that “why” stage did eventually arrive.  Hated it and loved it all at once.